“Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back? BULLSHIT!”

I have once read an article about convincing its readers to fall for someone who doesn’t love you back and will never live you. I was pretty much moved by his work and for someone who has experienced a one way love, I ALMOST believed everything that he said.

He said in order for someone to get stronger, one has to be hurt first. He also stated that no one can help your broken heart heal except yourself; That once you’ve got your heart broken it is just then you will realize the importance of all the individuals around you.

How dare he?! How dare he tell me that getting hurt is okay? Who is he to tell me that loving someone who doesn’t love you back should be experienced at least once by everybody? Does he even know how painful it is for the loving party?

I was in high school when I had my first love- My unrequited love. Classmates,  text mates, best friends. You can call us any of these. We were close. So damn close. We started to be close when he got his heart broken. He was looking for comfort and I gave it to him. There was nothing special about us, just me and him.

Weeks and months passed by, we were getting even closer and I sensed “cheeziness” in his cute messages. We texted until 3:00 A.M even on school days and whenever we see each other at school awkwardness started to fill the air. I was confused. Is it just me or are we really an item. Not even our closest friends knew what was going on between us, or so I thought there was. We cared for each other I loved him, but it was too late to know that he was not with me.

My world stopped or I wish it would. It felt like muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart. I was hurt, angry and embarrassed. I was not just angry with him but to myself too. Why did I allow him to hurt me? Why did I expect something that is not real? But can you blame me, when he led me into some fantasies? Fantasies that would change my perspective about love forever?  He was the first guy I loved and the last I will let myself fall for and the last reason that I have to move on.

But after that heart breaking phase of my life, I was able to get back on my feet again but not on my own. My friends and family helped move on.  Yes. I moved on. But if there s one thing that I will never forget, it is the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Even weeks of drunkenness and months of sleepless nights and depression, believed me, the pain is still unbearable.

That is why; I do not agree what the author has written about the help of experiencing unrequited love to getting stronger. Because of it I feel weaker. I became insecure. And I am now afraid, afraid of falling in love again.  And again.  And again.

I don’t want to bare the crown with thorns of someone loving the wrong person.

If there is one advice I can give on falling in love:  DO NOT FALL INTO ITS TRAP. JUST DON’T.

                                                                                     -xoxo,

                                                                                                 J