Anna Francis: “Love Someone Who Doesn’tLove You Back? BULLSHIT!”...

Anna Francis: “Love Someone Who Doesn’tLove You Back? BULLSHIT!”...: “Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back? BULLSHIT!” I have once read an article about convincing its readers to fall for someone who does...

“Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back? BULLSHIT!”

I have once read an article about convincing its readers to fall for someone who doesn’t love you back and will never live you. I was pretty much moved by his work and for someone who has experienced a one way love, I ALMOST believed everything that he said.

He said in order for someone to get stronger, one has to be hurt first. He also stated that no one can help your broken heart heal except yourself; That once you’ve got your heart broken it is just then you will realize the importance of all the individuals around you.

How dare he?! How dare he tell me that getting hurt is okay? Who is he to tell me that loving someone who doesn’t love you back should be experienced at least once by everybody? Does he even know how painful it is for the loving party?

I was in high school when I had my first love- My unrequited love. Classmates,  text mates, best friends. You can call us any of these. We were close. So damn close. We started to be close when he got his heart broken. He was looking for comfort and I gave it to him. There was nothing special about us, just me and him.

Weeks and months passed by, we were getting even closer and I sensed “cheeziness” in his cute messages. We texted until 3:00 A.M even on school days and whenever we see each other at school awkwardness started to fill the air. I was confused. Is it just me or are we really an item. Not even our closest friends knew what was going on between us, or so I thought there was. We cared for each other I loved him, but it was too late to know that he was not with me.

My world stopped or I wish it would. It felt like muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart. I was hurt, angry and embarrassed. I was not just angry with him but to myself too. Why did I allow him to hurt me? Why did I expect something that is not real? But can you blame me, when he led me into some fantasies? Fantasies that would change my perspective about love forever?  He was the first guy I loved and the last I will let myself fall for and the last reason that I have to move on.

But after that heart breaking phase of my life, I was able to get back on my feet again but not on my own. My friends and family helped move on.  Yes. I moved on. But if there s one thing that I will never forget, it is the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Even weeks of drunkenness and months of sleepless nights and depression, believed me, the pain is still unbearable.

That is why; I do not agree what the author has written about the help of experiencing unrequited love to getting stronger. Because of it I feel weaker. I became insecure. And I am now afraid, afraid of falling in love again.  And again.  And again.

I don’t want to bare the crown with thorns of someone loving the wrong person.

If there is one advice I can give on falling in love:  DO NOT FALL INTO ITS TRAP. JUST DON’T.

                                                                                     -xoxo,

                                                                                                 J

Manang JieCamie

            A person whom you know that will never leave you in times your ups and downs. Who is the first person who comes to mind upon reading? Family? Friend? Or God? But in my case I choose my sisters, Carmela & Anjelika.

            Sisters are defined as the title given to a female child to describe her relationship to the other children of her parents. That’s what the dictionary states, and I’m not sticking with that. For me, sisters are gifts from heaven. They are the ones who will always be there whenever you feel left out of something. My sisters are my possession. I don’t know how life would looks like when I don’t have them.

But in times, I label them as my evil enemies, selfish wicked sisters (like what Cinderella have) and vigorously hard headed people. Yes, those people I so called a gift from heaven are also a curse from Satan. I hate them, I want them out of my life because all that they do is to make my life miserable and it feels living in hell. I can’t imagine myself still sleeping between these two “bruhas.”

            But in times, I label them as my evil enemies, selfish wicked sisters (like what Cinderella have) and vigorously hard headed people. Yes, those people I so called a gift from heaven are also a curse from Satan. I hate them, I want them out of my life because all that they do is to make my life miserable and it feels living in hell. I can’t imagine myself still sleeping between these two “bruhas.”

Whatever I call them, I can’t help myself from loving and caring for them. It is maybe the personal attachment between us that I know it will never break. Sisters are forever

Manang Camie always wanted to have a the same haistyle as mine always. This time she also cut her hair off just to have a hair like mine.

This was our picture 5 years ago when Manang Anjie celebrated her birthday.

                      

My Manang Anjie and I loves to play with the WebCam.

So Be It.

At the second quarter of the school year I felt the need of everyone to like me. I take all the tasks. Smile when I’m mad. Never threw the punch to the girl who really deserves it. And never say no to all the favour even though I know I don’t have time to do it. It makes me feel bad and awkward whenever I refuse to these stuffs. Weird.  I allow myself to be everyone else’s little punching bag, well it hurts!

The truth is that I am very exhausted. My heart feels like bursting of all the struggles and demands to please everyone, but what about me? I always put this line into my mind “Always put others first before you” like seriously. And suddenly, I found myself realizing that I’m so dumb to do all those things. And keep asking myself, “What kind of person I am and do such things?!”. While sitting, I saw different persons who I thought at first were my friends. But the truth is, it is all lies. They are just another bunch of people who are stopping me to spread my wings and do the things I know I’m capable of, but I was there listening to all the stuffs their murmuring about, then I told myself to change the my world of  hell to a paradise. I’d been living in a lie, trying to be better on all the things and people around me and also to myself. While in reality I’m not the one who is sucked. It was them.

“Therese, there is no way for you to be liked by everyone.” Yeah, I have a tendency to talk to myself sometimes. Those talks are sometimes true or fake as a China phone. It looks like this one. BOOM! I’m ending up sharing it to all of you. I know there will be people in the world who can relate to this. Like me. People who know they have a golden heart and people who are fun. Of course there will be this kind of people who won’t understand your craziness. People that will hate the way you laugh. And people who will be rejoicing in times of your failures. But letting them rule you, that’s the real failure itself. Yes I know, there will be people who will never gonna like me. I figured there were bunch of people who will judge my kindness for weakness and turn my weakness to their own benefit. Oh noooo!!! You are worthless, you kill joys, and my life is too AWESOME for you!

I don’t know if there are people who are in my shoes right now or been to my shoes. All I know is to care to all the people who care for me. Love them more as they loved me. I will stay up ‘till the sun rises to listen to you cry. Even though I can’t really figure out what kind of life I’m living in. But I’m sure that I’ll be here to tell you what I believe you’ve been out of line. I know that not everyone in this world is going to like you.  But if you like yourself, have a hundreds of great friends, and a loving family, you won’t have a second to hate people who hate you.  Because you are too busy loving the people around you.

Definitely the Best!

Before we go to my Papa, we should have a text message or call from him that he would be free on the following weekends. So last Thursday my mother received a text from him that if we can go to him this weekend, because he will be very busy on the next weekends.  My Mama said yes to him, and booked four tickets right away. Of course the plane tickets cost a lot of money because our departure is too soon. But it’s okay for we know that it’s just nothing in the name of our love for our Papa.

This morning was our flight to Cebu to visit Papa. I was very excited to see him and boast all the things that happened to us here in Iloilo.  I can’t sleep last night with all of the thoughts in my mind. Instead of sleeping I just watched movies until the time my sleepiness brought me to the bed.  I woke up at five in the morning and help Madame Bracken, our helper to prepare all the food that we are going to bring for Papa.

Time moves so fast and it was already seven. I took a bath and prepare myself for our lunch at Cebu. Our flight was at 10:05 and we arrived at the airport at 9: 45. \m/ We are the last ones to check-in then we ran upstairs and directly board our aircraft. OHMIGOSH! The plane was waiting for us. And it feels awesome!

And finally the four of us arrived at Cebu by 11:00 a.m. Upon arrival we directly went to my Papa’s place. There, we waited for 30 minutes or so… then one of his staff told us that my father can’t go eat lunch with us, because there was an accident at the site.  I feel so bad about it. I thought to myself he prioritizes more his  staff than  his own  family. I can’t explain how/what I felt that time all I know is that we came for nothing!

The plans that I have when I see my Papa faded.  And it makes me want to cry, but I thought to myself that crying will do no good at all. So we just ate the lunch that we prepared for him and went to the mall to cool down.

While roaming around the mall, Papa called and says his sorry. Hearing his voice made me cry like there’s no tomorrow. I told him I was very mad at him and doesn’t want to talk to him anymore! (Yikes! I really sounded like brat!) For him to make up on what he did, he came to the mall and buy us clothes that we wanted  and treat us a cup of gelato which is very yummy!

After an hour or two, we need to say goodbye to my father, because my Mama has to work tomorrow. I cried once again to him and say my sorry for the things I told him. He was very understanding and just hugged me and kissed me. That time I realize to myself how I’m deeply loved by my father. And I realized to myself, I don’t have any reason to be mad at him because he’s doing all the sacrifices just to make our lives better. I can say my Papa is not a perfect one, but he is definitely the best! 

Math Problem

People say if you have a friend throughout your life, you're lucky. That’s not even close to true. They just say such things to comfort us whenever we felt left out of something. We all lose tons of friends in our entire life; if we didn’t then we never lived. Yes, we have these few friends that stay by our side through thick and thin, good or bad times, even in our bad hair days, failing grades and even though we are smelling stinky. Those are exceptional friends. How do you think you'll meet a friend? Some meet their friends while having their haircut done. Or they just ride in a jeepney. Or in my case I found my friends while solving a math problem.
     Summer of 2009, my parents send me in a Summer School in Manila. I was sad without my family around except with my father. We stayed there for more than a month living differently as how we lived here in Iloilo. No worries. But every day of that Summer I go to my school with my damage brain. AWESOME!
    After my class my service fetches and drives me to my dorm. My papa was not with me at that time because he went somewhere else. So I was left alone feeling lonely with all my assignments waiting to be solved. At the age of 11 I can't imagine myself in that situation, so then I began to cry. I tried solving those math problems for me to forget the loneliness I felt. But instead of making me feel better it just made the situation worse. It feels like my heart is torn to a million pieces and so I burst out crying again.
    I can't imagine myself during that time. Maybe all the eyes are on me because I was crying the whole time. Suddenly, a group of cool hot nerds came to me and ask me if they can do something to make me feel better. I was so shy to talk to them for they're very popular to the MTG world I don't know what to do next because I was stunned to their beautiful nerdy faces. Though I didn't answer them to help me or something, they just grab my papers and started to help me out.
    Ate Misaki is the oldest among us. She is a half Japanese and she stands as our big ate. We all follow her even sometimes she's really stupid. Akkiara was like a six footer girl with her long skinny legs. She's like a beauty queen with a very big heart. And Katrina. She is a bisaya a rebellious type of nerd. She's only 12 at that time but she knows allot of things that not all the normal kids know (even me).
     The four of us became friends and as time goes by we became more like sisters. We all laugh to the weirdest things, watch scary movies till dawn, play cards with cheating and of course we all help each other in doing our math home works. We also cry to each other's shoulder whenever we felt lonely from our true family. I found my second family in them. But time flies and we cannot stop it from moving so fast.
     The last day of our Summer Camp came, it was the time that we all need to say goodbye to each other. Our smiling faces were changed to crying faces. Tears are over flowing as if those tears can stop the time from separating us all. I was the first one to left the group, I was so sad at that very time. Saying goodbye to my friends that made my 2009 Summer the best one. 

          Through a problem I met the friends I never thought I could have. I learned that indeed friends come and go but they never let you down in your darkest days. Distance is not a reason to stop us to continue being friends or should I say sisters? You? How did you meet your friend?

Being Vain Is In our Blood.